


are you hurting the one you love?

by goldencal



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7793866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldencal/pseuds/goldencal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a matter of convenience. You know it, she knows it, but neither one of you wants to end it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	are you hurting the one you love?

**Author's Note:**

> because I didn't listen to a bunch of unrequited love songs today.....
> 
> first time writing for this fandom.  
> it's a one shot type of deal. edited here and there, mostly free flowish.
> 
> as always, it is what it is.

You met her at a college party hosted by some frat guy from your biology class freshman year. You thought she was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen but she tells you you’re drunk and that she’s not. You blush embarrassed because she blames it on the alcohol but you know that drunk or not, she was quite beautiful.

You spend the next few weeks bumping into each other at parties, the cafeteria, and the library that consist of quick hellos, how are yous, and see you soons. She finally sees you coming out of your last class of the day and she stops you to ask you out on a date.

A big smile appears on your face and she takes that as a yes.

From then on it was all wonderful, she was kind, smart, funny, and blissfully unaware of what you two did to each other. She could trace your skin so masterfully from your favorite parts to new places that you didn’t know you could enjoy before. 

It was easy at one point but only got harder when she started pulling away. You can’t pin point when and where it all started but you both know it’s a falling out process. College has been over and you’re working through your residency and she’s working on her architect projects. Somewhere in between of it all, both of you always managed to make time for each other. Unfortunately time has become a sacred thing for the both of you, you two either want to be with each other or to be alone. For you, it’s always to be with her.

The thing is, you and Lexa are not anything. You and Lexa have talked about this over and over, fought over and over about you wanting more and her settling for whatever you two are now. You tell yourself to stop letting her pull you in, each time you get so close to pulling away, she pulls you right back into some atmosphere that you can’t leave.

It’s a matter of convenience. You know it, Lexa knows it, but neither one of you wants to end it.

//

You get up this morning hoping that Lexa will be on time but the way things have gone lately you have little faith in her today. 

As predicted, she’s late again this morning. She apologizes for picking you up late claiming she slept through her alarm again because of all the presentations she’s been working on.

But the faint marks left on her neck tell you other wise. You don’t ask because she’s not yours to know about when you’re not together.

It’s another day and she’s late again, this time you drown out her excuse with the sound of the pouring rain. The weather has never been so on point with your mood lately, you give a mental thank you to mother nature for being gloomy today.

She grabs for your hand to hold as usual but you reach for your phone to avoid her touch to check the time. You tell her to drive accordingly because she’s made you late way too many times this week. You ignore the way her lips press together and retracts her hand as she turns away from the curb.

You and her spend the next weeks off and on, hiding behind poor excuses, the excuses being more on her end, but you are honest with her each time about not seeing her and it kills you to know that she’s not fully truthful when it counts.

You don’t say anything when she appears when it’s late and you’re tired from long shifts. Most days you just want to sleep but she won’t let you. She keeps you up with her foreign kisses and murmurs of empty promises that she as said before. You try your best to enjoy these private moments but you can’t. You can’t because she’ll be gone soon enough every time she gets her fix of you.

Lexa comes to you on a random evening again after your dinner with raven and octavia, and you let her in because you just do automatically.

You let her claim your body like she had done before time and time again. You want to feel relieved that she comes to you but you don’t. Not when her kisses and touches are different and all of this moment hurts. But she won’t ever know because her eyes are closed and blindly tracing your skin. She’s not reading you like she knows how to anymore.

You wake up the next morning alone in your bed but find her moments later in your kitchen brewing herself tea and coffee for you

It’s a quiet morning, you’re looking at your emails as she looks over at today’s paper. The quietness doesn’t last too long because you ask her why she showed up at your door last night.

She looks at you surprised but also guilty of something.  
The truth is on the tip of her tongue, you can tell that she wants to say it but you know she won’t tell you the truth.

She simply says that she hasn’t spent enough time with you lately, so she thought it would be okay to show up and see you.

Deep inside you wished that she would have simply said that she misses you, but she doesn’t.

//

It’s a Thursday night and you’re being dragged out for a girl’s night with Octavia and Raven, they both know that you’ve been worked up and you’ve been through hell the last two weeks but it’s not because of work. It’s because Lexa hasn’t been with you lately.

They’re doing this because they want you to forget her. They know everything, you know that Raven doesn’t hate Lexa necessarily but she’s not a fan of her anymore lately. Octavia on the other hand, will cut a bitch. That bitch being Lexa.

It’s been a couple of hours and few drink in, you feel great. Your best friends are dancing along side with you and you’re actually enjoying this. You feel better than you have been recently and nothing can ruin this feeling. 

That is until you spot her.

She’s wrapped in a corner with some girl at her neck but you think the alcohol in your system is playing tricks with you. But it’s real. She’s really here with someone else touching her the way you should be.

Her eyes open and somehow through the crowd of bodies she finds your eyes. You can’t believe that any of this moment is happening. You wish that she wasn’t here and that you don’t see her lightly push the girl away from her and tries to make her way to you. Octavia follows your line of view and steps in front of you and Raven takes your hand to pull you away to go outside.

You turn around to look back and all you can see is Octavia and Lexa arguing over you. Good moments never last long enough for you. All you want are for the good moments to stay because you need them to so badly.

She shows up on time to pick you up, but you never asked her to. You haven’t spoken to each other since the night club. She’s caught you so off guard that you don’t know what to do. 

You ask her what she’s doing here at yours because you never asked her to get you. You both stand a distance because that’s what feels right, you don’t want her now but here she is wanting you. 

She tells you that she’s sorry about that night and that girl wasn’t anything, but you scoff at the fact she’s only apologizing for that night. Your anger builds more and you don’t want to deal with her right now, so you walk away.

She calls after you but you ignore her.

She sends you flowers to the hospital, she shows up at your door to take you to work, she calls, she texts, and she tries and tries until you let her in again.

You finally crack one morning when you find her waiting for you again, you ask her what she wants after all this effort that she’s finally putting in. You ask her why now that you left and don’t want her anymore, after the fact that you’re no longer convenient for her.

She says that she misses you, that she fucked it all up because you were always good for her and that she always ruins everything that she touches. She explains that everything makes sense to her when you’re around, that she was a scared piece of shit that doesn’t deserve you but she kept trying because you are everything. 

You want leave because it doesn’t feel enough and you tell her that it’s not good enough. You tell her you wasted years waiting around for her to completely be with you. She winces at each word you spill out because it’s all the pent up feelings that she’s caused you to deal with alone.

You stare at her, waiting to see what her response will be because you’ve basically made her weaker than before and you feel all the power now that she knows how you really feel.

She moves closer to you, now she’s in your atmosphere, she kneels right in front of you. You can’t believe that she’s doing this right now, and she takes your hands into hers.

She says that you’re the home that she swears she’ll come to, you’re the one that she’ll be honest and true to. She tells you that no one else compares to you because she's a tiny star in your universe that you created long ago for the two of you.

This is the most honest she has ever been with you and you want to forgive her right then and there but you know better.

You pull her up to stand and you take a moment to speak, never letting go of her hands.

You tell her that it’s going to take time to be okay, that she’ll have to keep trying because you can’t fall for just her words anymore. She tells you that she won’t quit until you actually tell her that you don’t want her anymore.

You tell Lexa that this is it, if she fucks it up all again, that it’s over and done. She nods in acceptance because she doesn’t want to fuck it up anymore.

She leans in close to you and you start to meet her halfway, but you stop her when she’s nearly close to your lips and she pulls away to look at you properly.

You tell her you’re not ready, not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> on a scale of swiss cheese to cottage cheese, how cheesy were some of these lines?
> 
> byeeeeee


End file.
